Author Topic: Personal Bearing  (Read 684 times)

Spazmodic

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Personal Bearing
« on: August 27, 2015, 03:53:24 PM »
It's a site for single guys, pua-style, and its administrator is something of a moral relativist at best, but www.girlschase.com has been very informative to me with regard to body language, facial hair and hair styling, eye contact skills and the like - all toward making myself more confident and competent at interacting with people, whatever their gender. There was stuff about interacting with women that I just didn't know before I came across that site, and it has changed the way I view myself in that regard. It's also so rife with techniques that it might help sociopaths become really super good at tricking ladies, which is a concern. Let me know what you guys think.

Mitch K

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Re: Personal Bearing
« Reply #1 on: August 27, 2015, 10:08:58 PM »
The guy seems a bit of a dong - depression is just the inability to control your thoughts?! If you're bothered about looking good, there might be better resources. Even my wifes fave, Gok Wan!

Spazmodic

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Re: Personal Bearing
« Reply #2 on: August 28, 2015, 12:37:02 PM »
I mean, using CBT to move toward a growth mindset can go a long way with helping to stave off depression, and even to banish it if you're lucky, but yeah - I'd say that's a gross oversimplification on his part. And "dong" seems an accurate enough descriptor of him.

But there were things I found here that I haven't seen on other sites (not that I've looked at them all by any measure). For one thing, a theme they return to again and again is that a lot of flirting techniques can be gleaned from watching how women do it, and turning it back on them. I have been terrible at flirting in my life - just terrible. I think it was overweening approach anxiety mixed with the weird sociopolitical situation I found myself in during middle and high school (after years of geographically wide-ranging military brat life I found myself at an elite private school in the Midwest, where every social rule was organized around principles of wealth). Whatever the reason, I want to be better at flirting with my wife, and the sort of detail this dude goes into on eye contact and how it's the small things that show you're not submissive... Helpful.

In fact, I'd say that right now I'm engaged in a project of outward-in thinking, which was jump started a couple years ago by watching that Amy Cuddy Ted Talk. If you can stand tall in a power pose for two minutes and it can change not only how you view yourself, but how you behave and how other people perceive you, what other outward "poses" can be struck to lead yourself toward a better, happier life with a stronger sense of mastery? After decades of eschewing the concept of the "uniform" (knee-jerk reaction to the previously mentioned military upbringing), I am realizing that costume is a powerful thing, and I am trying to learn how to "play at life," (as the Japanese saying goes). To that end, that dong's site has been disproportionately helpful, though perhaps others could have helped more.

Takeshi Kovacs

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Re: Personal Bearing
« Reply #3 on: September 17, 2015, 12:51:12 PM »
I am realizing that costume is a powerful thing

Google "Enclothed Cognition", here's a good podcast about it:
http://youarenotsosmart.com/2014/06/06/yanss-podcast-25-how-the-clothes-you-wear-change-your-perceptions-and-behaviors-with-hajo-adam/
 (edited to fix podcast link)
« Last Edit: September 17, 2015, 12:54:19 PM by Takeshi Kovacs »
The past is just data, I only see the future... -Ayrton Senna

Spazmodic

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Re: Personal Bearing
« Reply #4 on: September 17, 2015, 12:58:56 PM »
Nice. Thanks, Takeshi.