Author Topic: Becoming a Parent changes your Relationship Totally with your Parents  (Read 890 times)

Brian

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This is something that I'd read about in some of the parenting books that I've read, but I am still stunned by.

And not just in the "Man did I put them through this?" way, although I have no doubt that is coming.

When you become a parent, your relationship with your own parents becomes so much more involved.  Over the past 16 years that I have been a completely independent adult, I have not had much involvement with my folks.  We've taken the occasional vacation together in the Summers, but during the average year I have been  lucky if I hear from them once a month.

Now that the baby is on the way, I hear from my Mom every other day, and from my Dad at least once a month (they live together, but often call me separately).

Suddenly as well, I have a lot more support from them, both emotional and a little financial is on its way, too as we deal with a much lower income while my wife is on Mat. Leave.  I had no idea that it would be this different.

I also imagine that it is something I notice because I waited so long to have children.  It has always puzzled me how some people seem to have daily contact with their parents through adulthood, but now I finally understand: once they are grandparents they really want to be there again.  For many married couples in the past the transition from ward to married and independent to parent with involved grandparents must have been so fast as to be barely noticeable.

In a way this also means that my parents and I have to get to know each other completely over again.  We've not been so close in a very long time, and I am a different creature entirely.

Does anyone else have experiences with this?
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Blackwulf

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My relationship with my parents went through the same type of thing.  My wife was never crazy about my mother (I wasn't close to her growing up), but when we started having children after five years of marriage she got more interested.  While my dad was alive we were very close, but once he passed (2010) they went back to not having much to do with each other. I though did get closer a bit with my mom, but nothing like with my dad.  My kids though LOVE their grandmother and they enjoy time with her, and she enjoys them too. 

Brian

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It has been a real boon for me.  I love my parents.  I am one of those rare people who was blessed with parents who tried their utmost to make sure I had a happy childhood.  As I got older, though, we just kind of drifted apart.

I think it says something about relationships, really:  common experiences are not enough to hold a family together, you must spend time building and maintaining those connections with new shared activity all of the time.  Relationships have to be, by nature, active.
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Mitch K

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My old man died before our eldest was born, but when she was my mum suddenly started doing all the things for her she'd never done for me. When our eldest was about five months old we had to move halfway across the country. We were suddenly living in a new house, in an area we didn't know, with no friends nearby and the nearest family about three hours away. My mother complained about how she wasn't seeing her granddaughter...

BlueWolf

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True but only to some extent for me. My relationship with my parents got easier because we could focus on the kids when we met and a lot of the akwardness of not having stuff in common wasn´t so obvious anymore. I never was close with my parents and we dont talk much often even now when we have kids. I blame some of it on my parents is selfcentered but also on dads religious view of life. It has sadly not helped him to be a real human being or to grow into the man he could have been.

Husband3point0

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Re: Becoming a Parent changes your Relationship Totally with your Parents
« Reply #5 on: August 28, 2015, 05:36:33 PM »
My relationship with my father has evolved and grown tremendously since the birth of my son. Becoming a father was definitely a watershed moment in my relationship with my dad. No doubt. In some ways, I almost wish we had kids sooner so that that might've been triggered much earlier, tbh. I lament not spending more time with my dad, and not communicating with him more often. Definitely a good area to focus on in my MAP, in fact. Good reminder.

My relationship with my mother evolved drastically after the birth of my daughter, and not in a good way at all. But, that was for other reasons, not due to the arrival of our little girl per se.

Brian

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Re: Becoming a Parent changes your Relationship Totally with your Parents
« Reply #6 on: August 28, 2015, 08:30:39 PM »
My relationship with my father has evolved and grown tremendously since the birth of my son. Becoming a father was definitely a watershed moment in my relationship with my dad. No doubt. In some ways, I almost wish we had kids sooner so that that might've been triggered much earlier, tbh. I lament not spending more time with my dad, and not communicating with him more often. Definitely a good area to focus on in my MAP, in fact. Good reminder.

My relationship with my mother evolved drastically after the birth of my daughter, and not in a good way at all. But, that was for other reasons, not due to the arrival of our little girl per se.

Getting more involved with my family is a big part of my MAP right now, too.
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